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Lonely Holiday?

♥ Remember It’s Just Another Day.

This has helped me when I have felt lonely, down or unable to participate in any holiday happiness. You are not alone.


Ultrasound Needed For Dog

If you find yourself on this journey of life with a sick dog, this info may be helpful.

After a few blood  tests and ruling out pancreatitis for my sick dog, the next step is an ultrasound of her abdomen at $350.00 to just see what might be going on.  I can’t afford this and what may follow, surgery.  I am sick about it and struggling with putting my dog to sleep, forever.  The past 6 weeks or more have been difficult watching my dog struggle but the struggle is only every 3rd or 4th day now and the rest of the time my dog is happy energetic and tells me it is not time.  She is on pain meds, steroids and an Rx fluid.

So, I phoned around to different vets this morning for pricing on the ultrasound and found one that was only $95.00 so I booked an appointment for this afternoon.  Of course, there is the $50.00 office visit in addition.  After some further thought about how it could be so cheap, I phoned back to discover that the actual ultrasound while done in the office is not the entire story.  They have to call in a specialist to read and diagnose bringing the fee right back up to $350.00  I had to cancel.

I then booked with another vet that priced the ultrasound at $245.00 plus the office visit.  Asked if the person doing the procedure was a specialist able to read and diagnose.  Was told she reads and diagnoses every time but is not a specialist.  I am going to keep this appointment.

When phoning around I was often asked if this procedure was to diagnose Cancer.  I do not know and am now dealing with that as a possibility.  (tears flowing)

When Alone Time Turns Bad – Memorial Day Weekend Approaching

Luxuriating in my solitude is comfortable, safe, happy and generally a good thing until it causes distress.   When alone time turns bad, anxiety and a real sense of loneliness engulfs my human existancel.

Thoughts of “who can I connect with, go do something with, get out of town with, chat with…” swirl like wicked flames in my mind as I realize how much effort I put into coveting my safe and easy solitary existance and  how much time I’ve actively avoided forming human face to face relationships.  Because they generally cause me grief and stress, how often I am actively not “being open and available” to others in order to remain sequestered in a zone of comfortable.  A lot of energy for results that can be distressing on bad days, welcomed on others. Confusing at times.

What I tend to do next,  jump online with a hint of urgency and check for any new emails, check twitter for any new mentions or interactions,  peek at facebook for any new posts or replies and in the end check the refridgerator for anything comforting to consume, that my calm my souls passing anguish.

These opposites don’t represent a daily internal struggle but when this internal conflict does pop up, I question:  myself, my happiness, my motives and needs, my future, my sanity.  I can’t help but wonder if anyone else shares this sense of craziness…

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