♥ Remember It’s Just Another Day.
This has helped me when I have felt lonely, down or unable to participate in any holiday happiness. You are not alone.
Posted by verbalbanter on December 24, 2012
There are more days than not that I come face to face with the matter of How I Do My Life and the confusion, frustration and disappointment that follows.
I am a loner and if neighbors were to be interviewed/ asked about the type of person I am, they would probably say something like; Stays to themselves, will say “hello” but keeps walking, quiet, rarely has any visitors. Yikes! < That’s my response! Why? Constant news reporting of a mass killer in Aurora, Colorado last few days and those are the types of things who knew him are saying. Those descriptions can be applied to a lot of people I am thinking, that have no ill intent or destruction plans.
I reflect on my life and how I do my life, it has a lot to do with my personality, shame, poor self esteem (no matter how diligently I work on this), and family history. There are times I wish I had a different life, was a different person/ personality, had less negative self beliefs, enjoyed life and other people more. Therapy over my lifetime with a strong commitment to change and improvement has helped some but has not been able to touch me or reach me at my core. A lonely sad soul
Loneliness in a group, within a one on one setting or any other variation and distrust. When I look out I see other people as problematic, ready to ask something of me, share their individually unique form of negativity, to drain me of what little life energy I am able to muster up.
Then there is the shift, when I work to change my attitude and force myself to see other’s as good, kind and possibly a future friend or colleague. It takes a lot for me to do this and I find I feel better at the end of the day, until I begin to wonder which one of those that I offered a smile to was actually a child molester or some other type of societal demon which leaves me feeling sick.
We all do life in our own way.
Posted by verbalbanter on July 22, 2012