Sociopath: Lacking guilt, remorse, empathy.
Does not adhere to social norms or laws
In the beginning the person I ended up marrying was (very) physically unattractive yet strangely appealing in that they exuded an air of money and dangerous excitement. These elements kicked off the “feel good” chemicals in my brain and I was nearly hooked.
When I was a little younger, I would go to work and come home park myself in front of the t.v., eat and eventually go to bed. This was my day in day out routine, spending my free time alone and pretty tired out from the day. This pattern extended into my weekends and before knowing it years had begun to pass. Depression, exhaustion and financial hardship permeated my life and dealing with other’s always feeling like a constant draining challenge. Frequent job changes didn’t seem to fix or help the problem. I would often cry at my extended self-imposed isolation, wanting to change and yet resistant to change.
Traveling back and forth between east and west coasts became an almost every day or weekly event for us. My own financial troubles felt less oppressive as we ate at fine dining establishments, took little vacations and I got to see a part of the country that had been foreign to me. I had been missing companionship and invited him to move in with me while he was here on the West Coast, I grew to see this person as not so unattractive physically and the cementing of this bond took hold. Personal inquiries of my new partner were typically met with evasive answers which only deepened my resolve to get closer and uncover these wonderful secrets. I am a Scorpio and we love a good mystery.
Those “feel good” chemicals in my brain were working overtime, and I felt great. Even happy. Then, one day while my other half was back East (his home) and I was at home on the West Coast I received a phone call… This would be the defining moment in my life where I intuitively knew and yet deliberately chose danger and those wonderful brain chemicals over self preservation and common sense. My reasoning was that my life was boring and I needed to change things up, to feel alive.
To be continued…