Pushing self to meet others while struggling with social anxiety. I tend to be a little quiet, taking time to observe when one of these new people suggested that instead of shy I might be more “reserved”. Not sure if that’s really any better, after looking it up.
When I arrive home my mind becomes focused on what was said, who said what, how I may have come across, can they tell that I am often a little “off”? How their lives appear from what they say, how can I fit in, they seem so normal and well-adjusted… It just doesn’t seem to stop. I grow tired, it feels draining.
The next get together is for coffee or breakfast. To me this feels like it will take much more effort on my part, a much longer and more intimate type of interaction that I am already stressing about and it’s a week away. Great excuses have been popping up in my head. Yet, a part of me wants to try. This darn internal struggle of back and forth, push and pull.
Spent the night worrying and little sleeping, this morning decided to bow out (for today) of this get together activity. Will see how I feel next week about continuing.