It has been my fault that when I meet new people I have practiced viewing them as good, kind and somewhat on a pedestal. I read or heard somewhere, strangers are just friends you have not yet met. Both ideas have failed me time and time again.
Admiration and holding a new friend as dear and close to my heart leads to disappointment as they eventually reveal their human qualities and hurt or offend. It is from this point their fall from the pedestal disappoints and moves them from close and dear to now being regarded only at arm’s length, with alerts and alarms at the ready. Unsafe. The further out and away from me they descend as transgressions continue to occur, as their human-ness continues to reveal itself…
Until one day they are no longer an element (of pain, disappointment) in my life. I recognize my own faults, misspoken words and unintentional harm caused. Perfectionism my burden.
The problem with this is I have ended up alone. distrustful as ever and can clearly see the error of my ways long ago yet, was unable to master change. Unforgiving of self and others, a damaged wounded soul.