We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others
that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
Here’s the thing, I have never been good at hiding my feelings and acting like nothing is wrong. I watch others act with composure when interacting with difficult people and often feel confused as to both How they do this and Why can’t I?
Confession; I watch Reality TV shows. I know they are not real. I observe how people interact and react to one another none the less. It is almost like a type of school, for me. Their ability to not let others know just how much they’ve been hurt or offended eludes my own abilities and comprehension. Is this what real people do, how they manage to get along? Or is this the “show”? It feels so foreign to me.
On second thought, I know real people who can put up a front and act like nothing is bothering them. When I was young I was often told that I wore my heart on my sleeve. Is that bad? Like playing a game of poker, should I have learned the skill To Keep My Feelings Secret? And if so, why did I not successfully learn this? Maybe it is a personality flaw?
I intellectually know that keeping feelings inside is not a good thing but there is that nagging Time and Place issue. My emotions don’t understand, There is a time and place to express. I express right then and there and for hours or days beyond. It seems I have no stop-gap to put them on hold for a more appropriate time.
There is this notion that if you let other’s see how they have gotten to you, that you have validated their efforts and given them your power.
What are your thoughts, feelings?